Helping Your Child Cope With Stress

Let’s face it. Kids today are busier than ever. Some of us may think longingly back to our childhoods, remembering coming home from school, doing a bit of homework, hanging out with friends, maybe playing on a little league team or going to religious school, but mostly having a lot of free time for, well, just being a kid.

Today’s world seems quite different. Many parents enthusiastically get their children involved in extracurricular and/or enrichment activities from a young age. These might include organized sports, dance, religious school, community volunteer opportunities, and so much more. And while exposure to so many different activities can certainly enrich our children’s lives, it can also create stress or anxiety as kids try to balance it all. The teenage years bring a whole unique set of stressors, including academic demands, changes in their bodies, peer pressure, over scheduling, and negative thoughts about themselves.

On top of balancing school with all of the other extracurricular activities, kids face other societal realities in today’s technological world that can add to their overall stress and well-being. The prominence of social media cannot be ignored. With many children having access to a cell phone or other device at a very early age, it is easy for them to get swept up in it and addicted to the screen. While “schoolyard bullying” unfortunately still exists, there is now also an epidemic of online bullying that has created extremely stressful and even dangerous realities for many young people. In addition to these factors, anything going on within a family, such as a divorce, or the death or illness of a relative can add to children’s stress.

So what are the signs to look for to know whether your child is under an unusual amount of stress? Often physical or behavioral changes may occur, including:

The bottom line is that we want our kids to be happy and unburdened by stress or anxiety, but life doesn’t always work out that way. So when your children are stressed, there are steps you
can take to help them cope and get them back on a positive path. Don’t overschedule: Think about it. A typical day for a child is to be in school for about seven hours. Then after school, they may have athletic practice, religious school, rehearsals or other activities, followed by homework, dinner, maybe more homework then bed—only to wake up and do it all over again. No matter their age, kids need to have some downtime during the week. They have to rest both their bodies and their minds. As parents, we have to be the ones paying attention to this because they won’t necessarily let us know. If you find that your kids have no time just sit back and relax, then take a close look at their schedule and consider eliminating some of the extracurricular activities.

Make your home a safe and calm place: Make it a priority that your home has a relaxed atmosphere and that you have a routine that you stick to as much as possible. Have family dinners whenever possible—and enforce a “no phone” policy at the dinner table. Set a regular time for your kids to complete their homework or study—maybe once they’ve taken an hour or so break after school or right after dinner. Limit television or screen time. Although strict bedtimes are harder to enforce as children get older, make sleep a priority and ensure that your kids are getting to bed at a decent hour.

Keep the lines of communication open: This can obviously become harder as children enter their teenage years but that’s when it’s more important than ever. With the stress of academics, extracurricular activities, peer pressure and the other perils of being a teen, make sure your kids know you are there for them. Ask questions, show an interest in their lives but try to keep judgment to a minimum and just take in what they are telling you. Car rides with your kids can be an ideal time to initiate a conversation. It feels like there is less pressure than a “face to face” talk at the kitchen table and the conversation will often flow easier.

Offer outside help when needed: If your students are struggling with school and their grades are suffering, don’t wait till it’s too late. Encourage them to seek out help from their teachers.
Offer to work with them if they need assistance studying for an exam, reviewing material or outlining a paper. If they are having a really tough time in school or in a specific class, look into hiring a private tutor to help them. Tutors can be a lifesaver when kids are really struggling in school.

Know when it’s time to seek professional help: When children or teens are suffering from debilitating stress or anxiety, sometimes even we as parents cannot provide the level of support they need. Speak to your child’s physician and consider seeking professional counseling or even psychiatric care if you are concerned about your child’s mental well-being.

The bottom line is that no one goes through life without facing adversity or stressful situations, even children. As parents, our first instinct is to try to shield our kids from these times, but we can’t always do that and in fact, we are doing them no favors by not helping them work through the situations. When we provide our children not only support during difficult times but also tools that help them manage their stress and work through tough times, we are setting them up to be able to deal with these situations throughout their lives.